Another day closer to what we hope will soon be the end of this. unfortunately my wife and I both know this won't be over for a long time. We know that Luke will have to live with this for the rest of his life and not only his life but his children's and there children's lives.
How will he deal with this when he gets older? Will we as parents have taught him and shown him everything and supported him and given him all the tools he will need to deal with this?
As I've said before we was parents are not here for us. We are here for the child. As every parent knows they would do anything to protect their child from anything but when it comes to something like this where you are helpless and all you can really do is hold your child and tell them in truth or not that everything will be OK because you are there. Is that right? Lying to a child is easy because they will believe anything even if it's just a white lie that helps them get through a tough time but the truth of it is that we don't lie to kids to protect them we lie to them to protect us. Admitting that we've failed to protect them by admitting there's nothing we can do to stop what ever bad is happening means we've failed in some way to do what we said we'd do from the first moment we leaned down to that pregnant belly and said we'd always be there for them and do what ever we can to protect them.
This scares people at least it scares me. My wife and Luke are everything to me and knowing that i couldn't do something to protect them scares me. So you tell little white lies it's OK daddy's here everything will be better. I know your in pain but daddy's here everything will be better. I know your blind in one eye but don't worry daddy's here. I know the chemo drugs make you feel like crap and your puking and you can't sit still for 5 mins but daddy's here it'll be all better.
Each person knows that if they could take something like cancer from the person you love and put it in you you would.
What you have to realise is that the person you love needs you to be strong for them. They know that you can't really make the pain, hurt, feelings, go away no matter what you say But what they need is that person there to tell them it'll be OK to tell them you'll make it better because by doing this you pass on your strength to them making them more able to handle what ever they are dealing with.
I think anyways. I could be way off on this but I'm tired and it's been a long day. I'll read this again later and edit out the crazy sounding parts. :)
SO today was not very good. I guess it's because we fed him a little last night but today he was miserable. Tossing and turning taking turns being held and bounced by the 3 of us. He was sick today with some vomiting. Things we learned NO FOOD before chemo. maybe a little water.
other then that a pretty uneventful day. tomorrow we start the drugs and GCFS (the needles) and all the things he HATES eye drops and the other drugs we have to force down his mouth.
Although he has learned to spit the drugs out. that reminds me I have to check if they have a different flavour of one of these drugs cause he reallllly hates it.
thanks for reading my little rant will keep you updated.